Hmm I notice whenever I show the sad side of me, people go helter skelter.  Hey, if you’re a real friend, you’re supposed to stay with me for better or worse.  :P  kidding lah.  not so serious.  But look at the comments section of all my posts.  The most recent post – sad one - everybody hilang, only the (nasty) ikan dare to swim.  The rest, no sound di.  Aiyar, aren’t u suppose to console me?

Plasma asked me to write something fun this time.  I tried.  But not easy I realise.  So, I’ll just write something funny about myself.  Today, we’ll talk about my self-esteem.  Yep, u heard right.  My self-esteem story.

The 1st time my grandma n aunts set eyes on me at the hospital, the day I was born, the 1st comment to my mom was, "Aiyer, so ugly.  U sure she's not someone else's baby swapped by mistake?!”  My poor mom.  She cried.  (today she’s laughing all the way to the bank lar.  Hahahah)

As I grew up, people called me “malai mooi” (malay girl) bcos I had dark skin (my kin all fair fair one), big eyes (well not really that big, but big for chinese stds) n straight teeth.  Strangers would say my dad must be malay, bcos those days usually chinese kids’d have moongchi (small) eyes n rotten teeth.  Actually, my dad looks malay.  Kehehehe.  My darling cool dad!

The above are pretty tame.  But check out some of my nicknames below:
Malaikai, as in “kampung chicken”, as in fatless lean-meat – jes bcos I kurus n hitam.
Fat-lip or pig(long)-mouth, my sis’ top fav name for me – jes cos, as the name says, I hv fat lips lar.
Gold fish eyes, this one I totally dunno why!
Ker-ling-phor as in indian woman, bcos I had kutu during primary school mixing only with indian kids.
Ma-lau-jing as in monkey king, bcos I was skinny n I climbed trees
Larm-yan-phor as in tomboy, bcos I was mat-bmx (now u hv mat-rempit), y’know it was very “in” then to pull the front wheel up n jes speed with the back wheel….

Guess which one affected me most negatively....  The 2nd one.  For years, I believe I had really ugly fat/long lips.  Every year, 1st day of school, I'd rush to be 1st to enter the classroom so I can get that seat right at the far back corner of the room, so no one can see my mouth/lips.  If I’m unlucky, ie someone else already got the backseats, gonelah… whole year I have to sit with my elbow on the desk and knuckles beside my mouth to cover it from others view.  I still have that habit today.  People probably don’t even notice, but if you’ve been told how ugly your mouth is every single day, from the moment u understand human language to the day you leave home to explore the world, u get very negatively self-conscious and the habit sticks with you for life.

Hey, this is no laughing matter.  When I came out to the working world, and people started calling me “lenglui” (pretty girl) or make compliments about any parts of me, I’d be so MAD!  I thought the whole world was mocking me.  Hence, ppl started to think I was plain stuck up – cos the more they try to say nice things, the more ticked off I get.  I walk into a shop and if the owner so much as mention the words “lenglui”, I’m gone I tell ya.  Oklah, in recent years, I’ve grown more receptive to compliments lar.  No longer imbalance ugly cuckoo case.  Maybe just a bit left.  :P

I will never understand why any family member would wanna make a child feel so bad about themselves.  Luckily, I have a really dotting loving dad who constantly tells me I'm smart and talented (in his eyes lar).  I have kids, and I have nephews and nieces.  In my eyes, they will always be beautiful in their own way.  And I will never call them ugly names.  Never.  Oklar, with exception of Mike’s “fang phi siao wang” (little farting king bcos he farts a lot) and David’s “nau kai tai wong” (manja king) – which btw they encourage me to call them one.  These are affectionate nicks, so no harm.  (er,... kuar).  :P

Warning: after reading this post, if any of u so much as joke abt this nicks at me, I’m still going to be angry.

Last 1 liner:  Beauty should not be skin deep lor.  Aiyah, who doesn’t know this right!

Guess I'm writing this post to warn u all, or even plead, NOT to call your kids, your relatives' kids or your friends kids, ugly nick names.  It may affect them more than you realise.