Gnap - Whatever..

BE THERE!

Posted by Gnap @ Sun 07 Jan, 07, 08:35PM under Ngam2 Cham2
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Just bcos your wife is a woman, does NOT mean she is super-human - who's not afraid of pain, not afraid of death. They say 99% of men are afraid to visit the dentist for fear of extraction or filling works that’d be painful. Yet, nobody ever put much thought to the emotions and fears of a woman going to labour!

It is really nice to know that most men today, voluntarily opt to be there with their wives during the birthing process. But, disheartening to know there are still some who’d shun from it, for reasons they’d rather not share. Fear of blood? Fear of seeing your wife in pain? Well, shame on you! You were there for the “fun”, so …. be there for the birth too! It’s the most vulnerable time in a woman’s (in this case, your wife’s) entire life. Before you decide to hate me, curse me, or write a post in your blog addressing me with condemning profanity, at least read on to find out why I’m begging you to be there for YOUR wife during the birth of YOUR child.

For a woman, the pain starts long before the birth….

She lived thru mthly tummy cramps n embarassing stains since puberty (menses la!). The moment u start thinking of having a baby after you’re married, and hasn’t yet “struck” it, she blames herself eventhough it may very well be as much YOUR fault as it could be hers. She is the first to voluntarily go for endless tests before you will even remotely admit it could be YOUR problem. And then, when she does get pregnant, for months, she suffers nausea and obesity, conditions mostly beyond her control, but are just side-effects fr the fact that she is carrying YOUR child. Sometimes, if she is unlucky, and she bleeds during the course of gestation, she has to go for weekly jabs for a month or 2 – her bum swells and aches until she can’t sleep or even sit comfortably, but she goes for the wkly jabs no matter and bears the pain alone ……. and she never complains. All that matters to her is that YOUR child inside her is safe and growing fine.

And then, the due date comes nearer… Just bcos she is a woman, it does NOT mean she will be fearless going into labour. If you are afraid to go for even a darned cavity filling at the dentist’, can you even imagine what it’s like to have to go into an operation room, completely naked in front of a truck-load of hosp staff/docs/trainees (tell me abt “exposure”!), “shaved” (yes, shaved!) in preparation for the “slaughter” in case complications arise? The hospital staff go about their routine duties, without emotion, sticking all kinds of needles and tubes into her. Pain or no pain, they don’t care! They just stick it in – the vein at the back of her hand, her spine, …and excuse me for mentioning this… uretha. And she just let’s them do whatever needed to be done, just so YOUR child will be delivered the best and safest way. Natural or C-section, different kind of pains, but PAIN inavoidable. (I’d know, cos I went thru both). And in life, anything can happen. Sometimes, there’d been cases, due to unforeseen complications, the woman dies during childbirth. But luckily, most survive after the tear-n-stitch, or cut-n-stitch. The pain goes away after a few wks, or for some, ..months.

So, I hope you can see now that, the least you can do is …. BE THERE.

I remember during the birth of my 1st child, after going thru hours of labour pain trying to push the baby out... In the end, the doc concluded my baby’s head was a bit too big, n my hips a bit too small (despite me being really FAT! Haha) – painful/dangerous combination!! ….the baby was in distress trying to get out and we had to go for emergency c-section (the slaughter!). The doc immediately asked my hubby to leave the room. Unlike a natural birth, or elective C-section, where husbands are allowed in; for emergency c-section, u go straight into the ops theatre, w/o even a chance to speak to the husband (emergency mar!). I remember the only thing in my mind before going into unconsciousness under general-anesthesia was… “God, pls help my baby make it. T, I don’t want to disappoint you. And my dearest baby, I love you so very much - I really do." ........... The 1st thing I said when I came to, in the operations room, was, "Is my baby safe?" and, "Has my husband seen the baby?” I couldn’t even yet see who was standing over me, just shadows in blurred vision. And I couldn’t feel any of my limbs, let alone move them (or I’d be running to the baby’s ward). Someone replied, “Yes, your baby is perfect, and your husband is very happy. Now, you rest well, and don’t worry.” I can only be aware it was a man’s voice. It could have been God or an Angel, or simply one of them kaki-tangan hospital. :P

So please… BE THERE for your wife and child, if not for yourself. It’s a moment both special and critical, you won’t want to miss. Your father couldn’t be there bcos they didn’t allow it in the old days, but YOU can. Good luck. :)

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	lhfoo @ Mon 15-01-07 01:58PM wow ... finally hv time to read ur blogs ... good post to enlighten some of the fathers out there.

	plasmabstract @ Wed 10-01-07 03:32PM Damn!!! I'm in wrong profession di..... 99% men dun go to dentist...which means... 99% of his clients are.....???

	Gnap @ Tue 09-01-07 03:49PM My dentist.. :P

	plasmabstract @ Tue 09-01-07 10:18AM Still trying to use your psychic powers, eh? Btw, who say 99% of men are afraid to visit the dentist??? /:) Where got so many???

	Gnap @ Mon 08-01-07 11:21PM All, think another clarification in order... -This post was not bashing T. In fact, he was there all the way for both our sons' birth. -I wrote this more for sharing what me and other moms go thru, n hoping to encourage more men to be there for their wives. Smurf, really pleasing to see got ppl other than me using the expression "sap ha sap ha". LOL! Yes, lots of em out there still sap ha sap ha! kakaka ??, Wow! "barge his way in if not allowed." So hero! :D

	?? @ Mon 08-01-07 03:55PM I am fortunate that my darling is the type that wants to be there and will barge his way in if not allowed. But I worried about him worrying about me and being in a different pain of his own so I sent him to the waiting room till I really needed him. Some people say I'm crazy. In a Christian marriage, a husband is supposed to love his wife like Jesus loved us and gave his life for us - yes, a Christian husband is supposed to lay down his life for his wife (of course, a wife is supposed to submit to her husband but that is not the discussion here so I'll not venture there). To see me in so much pain to bring forth OUR child and to be filled with this great feeling of inadequacy - not able to even relief your wife of one ounce of pain, a pain he can never comprehend or experience even if he chose to, a loving husband is in a pain of his own. So do remember to love him for that. But for a man who is not there by a simple matter of choice because he wouldn't know what to do or that it is a long wait or that it is dirty or that it is bloody or that it is awkward or whatever other reason ..... I thank God for the man He chose for me.

	smurf @ Mon 08-01-07 01:45PM well said.....I think you should sent this to TheStar to enlighten the rest of the fathers to be....else many of them still sap ha sap ha...

	Gnap @ Mon 08-01-07 12:15PM Mike, Silver; when u comin? Flame waitin.... Plasma, LOL. Oh u sound so learned! :D (i know ur reply'd be, "dats cos i AM learned!" :P) hahaha BBHonor, :) Precisely. And erm... now u sound more like you... TQ ;)

	boundbyhonor @ Mon 08-01-07 10:54AM Gnap, i know what u mean :) guys should support their wives right from inception. this includes concerning and catering to their well being, hormonal changes, and so on. husbands, if we could not or dare not enter the labor room, should at least be at the hospital at all times. if outside of labor room, check once in a while of the situation inside, don't just ignore. no exceptions to this. Even if u r busy working or something, think again as some people believe that the fate of childbirth is between the mother and God, it's a life or death situation which I dun think material world events justifies absence of the husband. and not to mention, in cases of emergency, every second counts, including husband's signature on the consent letter. u'll never know what could happen in a fraction of a second if the husband is not present. i am a husband and a father myself, and have undergone 3 emergency childbirths. u wouldn't wanna miss even a millisecond to make a decision or u'll end up regretting it. i almost did during the 3rd childbirth. i believe in the notion that childbirth is the most painful pain next to death. wisdom tooth comes in third. so, be compassionate to all the mothers out there...

	plasmabstract @ Mon 08-01-07 08:47AM Did this spin off from someone complaining about going to a dentist and you had a hard time convincing him to??? HAhahahahahaaaa I think it all starts from the general community's view of men and women. IMHO, fear and reluctance to be there for childbirth derives from the general view of "that's a woman's thing" instilled since young about how a boy should not know about a girl's body, for the fear that they might only focus on "somethings". Some parents make it seemed like taboo for a boy to learn about a woman's menstruation or any other biological workings. That translates and leads to fear of childbirth. Education and exposure, talking about it to your child and making it a normal conversation would relinquish that fear... ;)

	Silver Isle @ Mon 08-01-07 05:05AM Weeeee... Yeah, dear husbands, your wife, she really needs you inside there! =D

	michael @ Mon 08-01-07 04:19AM good post gnap.

	Gnap @ Mon 08-01-07 01:39AM Oh Shucks! I came back in here, realising i forgot to put the disclaimer - "unless with medical reasons" or "job related business trips/exams that can't be (absolutely can't be) rescheduled." - But u beat me to it. N judging by ur response, i can guess the rest... :P OK, to clarify - being there, for the weak at heart, can mean b4 the birth action starts. Wait at the waiting room no need to pengsan one. It is moral support, and comforting to know the husband's standing by in case something happens. Important is, dun lah straight off say "yeah, she asked me to (be there), but what for!" Ya know, that kind of tidak apa attitude... that was what i was referring to... (u will see an uncensored response by email later).

	boundbyhonor @ Sun 07-01-07 11:06PM Oh, and jes to let u know that i came about a situation before where a husband faints in labor room, fell on the floor, his head hit hard on the floor, and had to undergo a cat scan, and was hospitalized due to cracked skull. Just imagine...ur head hits the floor @ 10g from a height of 5-6 feet....so, if this is to be the result of a husband being there in the labor room, would u still wanna beg for it? my point is, and all i'm saying is, life and the world is not a perfect place, and neither are human beings...there will always be exceptions that we simply cannot neglect and have to take into consideration despite whether we like it or not...

	boundbyhonor @ Sun 07-01-07 10:57PM Hmmm... I hv to disagree with ur statement on "BE THERE" and "Shame On You". By saying so, u r narrowing ur tots and pushes aside the fact that there are human beings with low body glucose level, and there are human beings that are born with the deficiency of not being able to be under fast beating heartbeat. As per professional medical advice, these individuals ought not be in a situation where adrenaline could pump up very quickly. In a state of childbirth, the situation is very exciting and full of adrenaline rush, especially during the first birth, or it could be very worrying. Therefore, in such circumstances, individuals with low blood sugar could easily faint under heavy adrenaline stress, thus, would be better off NOT TO BE THERE in the name of health and well-being.