GNAP

I grew up with practical parents. A mother, God love her, who washed aluminum foil after she cooked in it, then reused it. She was the original recycle queen, before they had a name for it… A father who was happier getting old shoes fixed than buying new ones.

Their marriage was good, their dreams focused. Their best friends lived barely a wave away. I can see them now, Dad in trousers, tee shirt and a hat and Mom in a house dress, lawn mower in one hand, and dish-towel in the other. It was the time for fixing things A curtain rod, the kitchen radio, screen door, the oven door, the hem in a dress Things we keep. It was a way of life, and sometimes it made me crazy. All that re-fixing, eating, renewing, I wanted just once to be wasteful. Waste meant affluence. Throwing things away meant you knew there’d always be more.

But then my mother died, and on that clear summer’s night, in the warmth of the hospital room, I was struck with the pain of learning that sometimes there isn’t any more.  Sometimes, what we care about most gets all used up and goes away…never to return. So… while we have it… it’s best we love it… and care for it….and fix it when it’s broken….. and heal it when it’s sick.

Keep them close!

No, I didn’t write this (stuff in white fonts. N both my parents are still alive and well.)  Jes somethin someone shared with me today, n I thot worthy of a space in my blog.  It’s something I’d intended to write about anyway..

Pls love your parents and grandparents.  Not just with words, but physically and lovingly being there with and for them, as much as possible.  Time passes by too quickly, and before you know it… (let’s not go into details…) there’s no turning back the clock.  (I’ll talk about kids in another post – much later on…)

I’ve seen people with their aged parents, either in a shopping complex, hospital or restaurant, etc etc and how some (most) of them totally ignore the old folks.  Much like they’re towing a cabin trolley along, but never needing to speak or connect with it.  My heart cry for these old people.  They’re not alone, yet the loneliness is so evident in their eyes.  You see, providing food and a roof over their heads – is not love.  Providing "food" to warm their hearts and an arm around their shoulders – that’s love.  Actually, I’m not good with words, so what i just wrote doesn’t half describe what i intend to express.  Just please… at the very least, be very kind and patient with them.

ps: if u think i’m being so emo jes cos i’m a mom – ur dead wrong.  i’ve been feelin like dis since std3.  mom and dad as my witness. 

I know dis title coming fr me, is gonna send at least 2 persons to ER.  But chill.  It’s not so bad la…. 

2mths ago, some1 fwded a link on articles abt Emotional Affairs. My 1st thot was – irrelevance!  Then, somewhat offended, dat I shd b asked to read something like dis fwded by doesn’t-matter-who.  Anyway, 2 mths later (recently), curiosity finally got d better of me (when does it ever not?!), n I went to take a peep-see of d article.  What I read, gave me a scare (putting it xtremely mildly).  I guess u can say it’s 1 of those occassions when u read somethin n go, “Gosh! We did dis!” or “dat happened!”, n then u get dis freakin feelin d article is describing a certain part of ur life!
 
Now according to dis articles (I combined 2 to 1), to know if you’re crossing the line (ie hving EA with someone other den ur spouse/gf/bf)… answer these quick questions (for some signs of an EA.):
1. Do you ask/tell each other details of your day?  2. Tell your life story to one another?  3. Let yourself relax and enjoy the other’s presence? 4. Do you touch each other in "legal" ways, like picking lint off blazer?  5. Do you pay attention to how you look before you see the other person? 6. Do you think crush-like thoughts like, "..’d love this song!"? 7. Has one of you said, "I’m attracted to you but I would never act on it because I/you are attached"? 8. Does your partner have no idea how much time you spend with this person?

How many times did you answer "Yes"?
0-1: Friendship/harmless crush.  2-4: Slippery slope. Step back.  >5: Deep Shit!
 
Wolly warayashika masinor!!!  (not profanity in Jap.  Just gibberish gibber! Don’t hold me resp. if this happen to sound like some bad word in foreign lang.)  I am in a full blown EA with TextMalaysia!!!
 
1. I’d write posts abt stuff and details of my day.  2. Wrote about my FAT story, din I?    3. Oh yah – I’m relaxed when enjoying d other bloggers’ posts  4. I notice tiny lil exclam’n marks in d wrong places n I correct ‘em with d same amt of tenderness I’d muster when chg’g diapers for a new born.  5. I make sure my moustache has d rite length n curl b4 I post my pic.  6. I often come across songs i think d other bloggers wud like.  Only i din know how to post a song…  7. If I weren’t married with 2 kids n hv a full time job, I’d be writing a 100 posts a day.  8. He knows. (the only correct answer )
 
Oklah, Oklah.  I saja wrote dis post to pull some legs [it's jes 1 of those days when ur taxed out at work, d kids r asleep, n u jes wanna write some junk, y'know] – tho the article(s) is real one.  But finally, let me very honestly say dis.  N I say dis with much conviction.  I DO NOT believe any of d 8 signs stated in d article shd b all dat hyped abt as signs of an EA.  Save for item 7, d rest r things I’d commonly do with close frens – guys or ladies alike (ok, I admit sometimes I tend to get ovrbd w mushiness, but those who know me well ‘d b able to stomach dis side of me).  Whether clean or otherwise…., is all in the mind, folks.  All in the mind.

Quote: Friendship shd not b constricted under narrow-minded straightjackets of gender indentification.  Unquote.  Tho I’m sure some wud beg to differ.  But dat’s another story.

If u r not my frens or someone who knows me personally, pls don’t read dis cos it’s gonna bore u to death!  (Read at ur own risk)  I’m writing dis bcos dese days, everyone who knows me, can’t stop asking abt my "weight issue".  Dulu, "why u so fat!"  N now, "why u so thin".  So here goes….

I hv never weighed more den 110lbs in d 1st 2 decades++ of my life.  I’m not really athletic, but in my teens, off sch hours wr filled with field drills (ODBand), K (SD) training n volleyball practices.  Nvr heard of d word “chuan” back then.  In my 20s, it was (learn to play) squash every Wed, hiking n volleyball wkend mornings.  My normal walking speed is ~10-15kmph (maybe more.  I’ll verify dis tomorrow morn), n I like srubbing toilets (only my own toilets ) n mopping floors.  So being slim had largely been a thing very much taken for granted.

And then, 5yrs ago, I became REALLY FAT!  172lbs or so.  Even my dad couldn’t recognise his fav girl.  How?  Blame my significant other!  I got pregnant.  (:D)  Dat’s 54lbs of extra me, n 8lbs of my baby.  Twice.

Normally, at full term gestation, a mom wud’ve gained an average of between 25-35lbs.  But I had to gain 62lbs lah! 

U c, for d 1st 3mths of my pregnancy(ies), d only type of food i cud keep down was anything made with glutony rice (weird cravings). So, for 3mths, 4meals a day, everyday, – I ate nothing but Bakchang n lor-mai-kai.  (Bleargh!  jes thinkin abt it now, makes me JELAK!)  N for d following 6mths, I’d feel giddy if I din keep stuffing in food.

As if dis ain’t fattening enaf, d doc oso gave strict/stern orders to me to WALK SLOW, or risk toppling over (my big preg tummy oso bigger den most ppl’s one).  N did u know dat if ur preg, ur oso supposed to do everythin in slow-mo …. – even simple things like getting up fr a sitting position, or sitting up fr a reclined position??  Many a times during my pregs, I’d forget dis n jes sit up or stand up like biasa, n GOSH!!  Was I in PPPAIN!!  It’s like someone twistin a dagger in ur belly.  Oorsh!  Jes remembering d pain still make me cringe!

N so from a hyper-active lifestyle, to a float-about one, I very “naturally” grew 7times d weight d baby inside me was growing.  N in 9mths, I gained 50% of my orig weight, n became Lydia Shum’s long lost twin (no kidding – but i’m sure u all still remember!).

After giving birth, (on both occasions), I’d still weigh 163lbs.  “Best” part is, (n I bet most of u don’t) do u know what it’s like being REALLY FAT??!!  Here r some insights….

• U can’t put on pants (under or outer) standing up.  U hv to sit down, pull 1 leg up beside u, 1 at a time, n try to lasso ur pants upward.
  
• U sweat all d time, n since ur clothes’ become shrink-wrap tight bcos of ur expanded bod, u itch or possibly even develop rashes.
  
• When u walk, right thigh n left thigh beat each other up (pow! boom bang!)
  
• U huff, puff n really sweat, n hv ta make a few stops, jes walkin a few steps up d stairs
  
• If u decide to sit on d floor, u’d better make sure there’d be someone at hand to pull u up later, or “climb” up urself.
  
• Ppl ur age call u auntie (&^#%^&%$#&!!)
  
• Ppl in general jes look pass u like u don’t exist (like fat ppl r not ppl!)
  
• Nobody open doors for u, or give a seat to u. N when u do find a seat, no one wants to sit on either side of u.
  
• U hv to spend money buying new giant sized clothing bcos ur old skirt can only go up 1 of ur legs, n let me mind u, finding big clothes dat fit, is tougher then u think!
  
• There r actually ppl rude (or honest) enaf to smack in ur face “Aiyo! U look like a fat gorilla! haha”  I am NOT kidding, dis actually happened, eventho only once thru’out my “fatness stint(s)”.  But i gotta admit, my flat/flared nostrils really gave dat (gorilla) effect.

Fortunately, some of it was water retention, so within 3wks postpartum, I shed ~20lbs.  The rest of it over d 8mths dat followed.  I din need any diet plans or exercise regimes.  Losin weight is a by-consequence when u hv to do ALL d hsework urself, b sleep deprived, work stressed, study/exam stressed, baby-worries, dash in n out of hospitals-office-home, etc etc etc…  (Like Stella mentioned ‘maid n donkey’.  I think i was, still am – maid/donkey/monkey/student/driver/employee/super-doting-mom)

Some ppl tell me I’m “lor fu lei san” or in malay, “menyusahkan diri”, for not getting a maid – bcos of late, I’ve gotten quite thin fr all d stress/work.  But to me, everythin in my home, fr my babes to my belongings r all intimately mine, n  I jes dun wan anyone else messin with MINE things.    Y’know…..

I betul-betul fed-up these days… almost everyone who comes talk to me, asks "why u so thin?", "u better stop getting any thinner den this!", "don’t be so thin lah!", or d worst of them all… "why u diet until so thin!"  – despite my patient record straightening efforts dat – I AM NOT ON DIET!!!  Frankly, one of these days, I may not be able to control myself anymore n get some faces smashed with me raw muscular knuckles! [forgive me Father, I'm jes sayin dis for fun...]  Especially those who insists I must be on diet.  Can’t they leave me be?!  So what if I’m thin, so long as I’m fit (well at least fit enough to not qualify as being malnourished or anorexic!)  You think so easy to gain weight ar!  It’s actually tougher den losing weight – true experts will tell u.  Go thru what i hv to go thru everyday, do what i hv to do everyday, n c if u can gain weight or not!  Mm sai jou ar!  Chi sin!

Ok ok.  Feelin better now, after d last paragraph… 

I used to attend Convent Primary school near a rubber estate.  D huge field behind d sch was surrounded by tall rubber trees.  At d far end of d field, behind d shadows of trees n bushes, was a solitary attap hse.  Rumour had it dat a yellow-eyed potianak lived there.  Every Mon, Wed n Fri; after sch (1pm) n b4 track training (4-6pm), I’d go peep – hoping to catch glimpse of our “potianak” (at dat age, i hadn’t yet learnt d words "fear" or "horror").  But what I found was a very old lonely malay woman (70ish or so I guess).  She was d so-called pontianak.  I liked chatting with her, n occasionally helped her sweep d leaves outside her house.  We got along fine – my pontianak n I.  Mom never knew abt this.
 
When I was in form3, I used to go for Bahasa tuition classes in another hsing estate every Thurs evening. I’d need to take a 10min bus-ride to n fro.  After tuition, there’d b this old man who’d always hang around d bus stop, n we’d hv long chats while I waited for my bus home.  Sometimes, I’d let a bus or 2 pass, bcos we’d been too engrossed in our topic of discussion.  Mom never knew abt this.
 
During A-levels, I’d walk ~20km home fr school, alone,  instead of taking a bus, bcos I din like sitting around waiting for one. I liked walking n taking in sights along d way.  Mom din mind.
 
Some yrs ago, when I was single, I’d sometimes drive home alone 3am in d morning after goin out with frens.  I’d hike up Bukit Pasir (near EQ) 6am every wkend morning, b4 sunrise, alone.  I’d drive 450km south-wards  (balik kampung) almost every other weekend, alone.  I was always surrounded by people, so these were moments I enjoyed – being in my own company (there’s somethin empowering abt it).  Mom din like this, but she had no choice.
 
Life was so very blissful then.  I never worried much.

 
Today, I think I’d faint, if I had a daugther n she did any of d above….  What if that old woman was a Mona Fandey?  What if the old man was a child molester?  What if someone abducted her on her walk home?  What if she got carjacked driving home alone at nite, or even in broad daylight along d north-south highway?  What if …. ~endless possibilities~   I’m not being paranoid ‘ere.  These crimes r happening everyday – anytime, to anyone – especially women. You read it in d papers.. – hear it in the news.  Lots of ppl still don’t feel d real fear yet.  I do now, bcos I was robbed in broad daylight in a private hospital carpark not so long ago. I’m thankful I only lost a handbag (din see it comin or what hit me, but in a split 2nd I was lying on d road – thank God my head landed on my arm. ). Now, I almost never go out alone, except to work.
 
The world today is no longer as safe as I remembered it to be.  If we value life, we have to make all sorts of precautionary measures.  Measures that take away d simplest pleasures in life, like getting to know an old man, or taking a nice walk to enjoy d view u pass by.  Isn’t it ironic?  That in valuing n protecting life, you can no longer live life to the fullest… 

I swear.  If I had 1 single wish that will surely come true, I’d wish for a peaceful world, free of crime/terror.  Alas… that’s too much to ask.